Sincerely Yours
by TheMotherDragon
Summary: Loosely derived from the promo for 6x01. Elena is spiraling. She's never experienced a loss that Damon wasn't there to help her through. Now that he's gone, she finds she needs someone to talk too. And all she really wants is to talk to him. In lieu of any other option, she falls back on an old crutch... With a twist. Rated M because this may or may not get smutty.
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Damon,_

_So it's been a week since you… Since you died. I've spent most of it crying. Staring into space. Wondering what the hell happens now. Caroline has been freaking out because I don't feed much. She doesn't really understand that I have no desire to drink blood though. All it does is heighten everything I feel. And everything I feel right now is too painful to invite more in just for the sake of sustenance. So when she brings me blood I dump it down the drain and return to my perch on the window seat or my side of the bed (which happens to be yours). I don't think I've left my room at the lake house more than twice. _

_Until today. _

_I finally cracked this morning. I picked up my phone in a daze to call you, and I'd actually almost dialed the number, before I remembered that you wouldn't answer. I'm not sure what would've happened if I'd completed that call. If I'd sat there listening to it ring, hoping beyond hope that you'd pick up, but knowing that such a thing could never happen again._

_I'm not that lucky. In fact I'm pretty sure I'm cursed._

_Otherwise you would be here with me. _

_But you aren't. And I just can't wrap my mind around it. I can't accept that I'll never see you again. I can't believe that I'll never speak to you again, that I won't be able to tell you about my day and listen to your snarky commentary and your flirty innuendos and your not so subtle bits of wisdom. _

_So I've had to improvise. Because if I don't get all of this out, if I don't unload my thoughts and emotions on you as I've grown so accustomed too than I'm afraid of what I'll turn into. Of how I'll choose to cope in the absence of your unwavering strength and support. _

_You were always there for me. I wish I'd appreciated it more at the time. _

_I wish I'd understood how desperately I've come to rely on your presence, even if all you did was hold me or smirk at me or tuck my hair behind my ear. All of those things were more comforting to me than anything else ever could be. They were such simple methods of affection and distraction. And they always did the trick._

_I'd give anything for them now. Yet all I have are the memories of when you did them in the past, during other times of unspeakable tragedy not unlike this._

_Although this is worse. Much worse. _

_Worse than losing my parents or Jenna or Alaric or Jeremy or Bonnie. Worse than any loss I've ever experienced._

_Because now I'm truly alone. _

_I know I'm not REALLY alone. I have Caroline. Jeremy. Stefan. Alaric. Tyler and Matt. I should be content with that._

_But it isn't enough. It isn't what I need. There's only so much they can do._

_I need you. I should've admitted that sooner. To you, to everyone. Maybe if I had, things would've turned out differently. _

_I need you Damon. And you're gone._

_What am I supposed to do about that? _

_Sincerely Yours,_

_Elena _


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Damon,_

_Do you have any idea how much I miss our sex life? I mean really miss it, like it's some vital part of me I can't ever get back? _

_Because I can't. What I had with you, in every way, not just physically, can never be duplicated. It was unique to us. _

_But the sex… _

_I'd heard the rumors of course. I knew if you and I ever did go there I'd be in for something amazing. _

_I just didn't know how amazing. _

_But I'm glad we never went there while I was human. I don't think human Elena would've taken to our physical activities the same way vampire Elena does. It might've been my age, or just my lack of experience, but the thought of being intimate with you was terrifying to me before I transitioned. _

_Human Elena would've balked and blushed at the dirty things you say and the sinful things you do. She'd have shied away if you asked her to show you how she likes to be touched or if you tried anything with her in a place that wasn't the bedroom. _

_But vampire Elena… I'm all for it. I have no fears with you. Certainly not in bed. I trust you completely. _

_Especially with me. _

_It's part of what made sex with you so incredible and beautiful and FUN. I never knew sex could be fun. And so passionate and overwhelming it's almost disturbing. I love it. I love the way you make me feel. And I could never feel it all like I do if I wasn't a vampire anyway. _

_I won't pretend it wasn't part of why I chose not to take the cure. Not just the sex, but everything. Once you get over the initial shock of the heightened emotions, you grow to like it. To appreciate it. _

_The beauty in it. The power. _

_How alive it can make you feel. _

_And the irony is that we're dead, yet we're more alive then we ever were as humans. We feel more. We experience more. We understand more. We're more adept. More in touch with life and humanity and it's value. _

_Even the blood is like a metaphor for it all. We literally run on the life source of others. We derive pleasure from it. _

_I never understood before my transition. I'm not sure any human truly could. That's why those that hate us or hunt us or use us are so spiteful. Why they fear us. People like Dr Whitmore or Dr Maxfield only see us for what our enhancements can do for humans. Hunters abhor us for our biological desire to kill. _

_But none of them UNDERSTANDS. _

_There's so much more to it than that. _

_So much more life and perspective and opportunity in it. If you're open to it. If you find the right person to share it with. _

_I'm so lucky I had you. You made all this worth it. Made it fun. I'd never be so happy and confident and comfortable this way if it wasn't for you. _

_I'll always be grateful to you for that. _

_For seeing me struggle so hard to come to terms with my vampirism, for watching me make mistakes and kill and figure out how to navigate immortality and bloodlust and never looking at me any differently even as I changed. _

_For loving me through it all. For accepting and appreciating the darkness that rose to the surface. For believing it wouldn't eclipse my light because you'd never let me lose myself entirely. _

_I'm so grateful Damon. You can't even imagine._

_Sincerely Yours,_

_Elena_


End file.
